The project proposal that landed me a panel interview for the Vanderbilt Michael B. Keegan Traveling Fellowship, an international fellowship awarded to 1-2 graduating seniors each year and reserved for the university's "most promising global leaders."
“Tengo que deciros algo,” I interrupted. I have to tell you guys something. My Spanish host parents stared back, their eyebrows raised. In the fall of 2018, I studied abroad. I sat in the living room of my host family in Seville, listening to Juan and Ángela catch each other up on their days. Watching them interact, I came to a startling realization. “Nunca he visto este tipo de conversación,” I continued. I’ve never seen this type of conversation.
For as long as l can remember, my biological parents have fought. My earliest childhood memories are eclipsed by the countless nights spent disappearing upstairs with my head under my pillow, hoping to drown out their inevitable divorce. Face down, ears muffled, fists clenched—this is the posture I’d often find myself in as I fostered a silent promise I would carry well into adulthood. I will learn from my parents’ shortcomings.
I will do everything in my power to create the most solid, life-giving relationship because I know what happens in a home without one.
My time in Spain with Juan and Ángela highlighted just how much I have to learn when it comes to building lasting human connection. Their evening catch-up session, perhaps mundane to others, struck a chord with me precisely because it seemed so unfamiliar. It illuminated an unnerving fact: though I deeply long for a strong marriage, I know next to nothing about it.
What exactly goes into building a lifetime together with another person? Why do some relationships last while others fade away? And how do the answers to these questions change or persist across different legal, social, religious, and cultural contexts? These are the universally significant yet achingly personal themes I will explore during my year with Keegan. In doing so, I hope to completely reinvent my mental model of marriage that I inevitably picked up from my parents. I hope to fight the curse of the divorced child— namely, the tendency for children of divorced parents to get divorced themselves—and better equip myself to become the best partner possible. I hope to use the lessons I will learn to better serve the future communities and organizations I will lead. By studying lifelong partnership in different cultural contexts, I will gain insight into connection as a fundamental human need around the world.
To better understand how two people empower each other to thrive in marriage, I will investigate the country’s context in which the marriage resides. I will seek counsel from legal and religious experts, active citizens, and community leaders. Recognizing the broader sociocultural framework is essential to discern how a successful relationship is achieved in a given country. After all, indications and definitions of a life-giving marriage may vary across cultures, laws, and national borders. In order to authentically learn about deepening human relationships, one must acknowledge the surrounding circumstances of said relationship.
In addition to grasping the larger context, I will stay with host families to have conversations with and make honest observations about building lasting human connection. It is vital that I stay with families in real time in order to better detect the subtleties, unspoken expectations, and day-to-day practices of a healthy couple. I will gain meaningful lessons about commitment that were never quite modeled in my own family. I will also better understand how the relationship between my parents, or the lack thereof, has colored my worldview.
In an effort to examine marriage with a global orientation, I intend to uncover the differences—and more excitingly, the similarities—of what deeply connects individuals in 25 different countries. I will explore building lifelong partnership under various religious, sociocultural, and structural lenses. It will be interesting to consider how religiosity affects the institution of marriage in a country like Israel. There remains a lot to learn about patience and grace in the most ethnically and religiously diverse countries such as Uganda and South Africa. Countries with the highest and lowest divorce rates would offer insight into what separates and/or keeps couples together. Indonesia provides the chance to interact with polygamy, an alien marriage structure that could transform my concept of a healthy relationship altogether. Considering all of these variables, I ultimately intend to visit regions throughout Asia, Africa, Europe, the Middle East, and Central and South America.
I will gain a more comprehensive, global grasp of connection as a fundamental human need. These important lessons will permeate the future stories I tell as a filmmaker. They will also help me bridge the film industries of different cultures as I work to advocate for equal and proper representation of underrepresented communities across the globe. In line with my executive role in DIVERSO, I hope to observe how life partners empower each other to grow, thrive, and dream, and to use those crucial teachings about empowerment in my future work with marginalized populations in media and entertainment. Personally and most importantly, I wish to learn as much as possible in order to create a steady pillar of marriage that best supports my love for my future life partner and family.
Though I am impassioned to pursue this project, I also remain terrified. With just one conversation, Juan and Ángela exposed how my parents’ relationship defined what I deemed to be “normal.” What else did I unavoidably pick up from witnessing how my parents treated each other? Can I fight the curse of the divorced child?
Am I even fit for marriage?
Because I hold having a fulfilling, long-lasting relationship so close to my heart, the prospect of delving into these questions unsettles me at my core. It feels utterly high- stakes, vulnerable, and uncomfortable. And yet, it is this very discomfort that illustrates the vital significance and extent of the work left to be done, and I intend to fully press into it. This immensely personal yet hugely universal work regarding human connection will affect every aspect of my life and the future communities I will enter. I am eager to grow from what will inevitably be an arduous yet hope-giving yearlong journey.
LIST OF COUNTRIES
RELIGIOUS SIGNIFICANCE
Jordan
Italy
EXTREME ETHNIC/RELIGIOUS DIVERSITY
Kenya
Tanzania
Turkey
LOWEST/HIGHEST DIVORCE RATE
Colombia
LOWEST/HIGHEST MARRIAGE RATE
Peru
Argentina
Egypt
Norway
OLDEST/YOUNGEST AVERAGE AGE TO MARRY
Sweden
Nepal
INFIDELITY
Thailand
Denmark
France
FORGIVENESS
Rwanda
FERTILITY
China
Taiwan
Hong Kong
Japan
DIFFERENT MARRIAGE STRUCTURE
India